Round 2

Writers Write

Life is Short. Get a Divorce.

on August 25, 2015

Life has a way of making me forget I have a blog. But I remembered today, so I’m taking advantage of this random moment.

The last few months have been rather hectic – dealing with work, family, and personal needs. And through it all, I’ve kept up with that Ashley Madison bullshit. I used to write a shit ton of divorce articles for law offices, and a few articles dealt specifically with cheating websites and their effects on marriage. I was still in Canada at the time and had no clue my spouse was an active member of anything like that. I knew he had a recurring porn addiction, but I assumed he was smart enough – and loyal enough – to stop there. I assumed the same thing when I later became temporarily enamored with another guy who was addicted to porn and cam sites. So much for assumptions and douche bags.

The point is, I had no clue of the irony and the relevance of writing those articles until I lived through it and recognized the obvious connection to my own life. And this is what pisses me off: for each person who says the hackers were simply instant karma and the cheaters (whether physical or just mental) deserve to be exposed, someone else insists no one has the right to judge anyone else, blah, blah, blah. While outspoken opinions are a major part of American culture, unless you’ve lived through that your opinion is immaterial.. because as much as you may THINK you’d know what you’d do, you have NO CLUE what you’d do until you’re in that situation.

It’s far too easy to judge others for their behavior. Obviously people who opt to betray loyal and giving partners are twat waffles, but adultery can be driven by a number of reasons. It’s still shitty. Why not just leave the marriage or change the terms of the relationship? Why not seek counseling or actually *gasp* talk to your partner about your needs? While it takes two people to make or break a marriage, it often only takes one person to cause the betrayal shit cycle. Sometimes a cheater is just a cheater. It’s ingrained. It’s like a moldy seed that’s planted so deeply there’s no way for the partner to access and remove the damn thing. Once it’s fertilized by their bullshit behavior, it sprouts and quickly suffocates everything worthy in the cheater’s life. Of course, that’s not always the case. And each relationship is different.

I get the hackers responsible for the info dump were trying to make a point. They made it. There were crap loads of politicians and celebrities on that member list. Something like 90% of the clientele were males, so this was definitely a targeted hack. After all, life is short: Why not get a divorce and drag your rich, cheating, fucktard of a hubby’s name through the mud while draining his bank account in the process? But what about the rest? What about the cuckold husbands who are married to ice cold bitches who fuck around with their friends? What about the women seeking affection and protection outside of an abusive and destructive relationship? Divorces are one thing. Get the divorce. Never stay in a relationship where you’re not loved, appreciated, and valued beyond measure. But one has to wonder – did the hackers consider the amount of suicides this info dump could cause? What of the spouses who would potentially be beaten or killed after the cheater found them packing their shit and attempting to remove the kids from the household? How about the new level of fucked up parenting and the new generation of fucked up kids this could cause? This isn’t a personal judgment call. I’m honestly just curious. There are so many possible outcomes here.

It’s so easy for everyone to judge. Hell, when I read about the *potential* hack, my inner demon cackled until she passed out. And then I thought, “Oh, fuck. There’s so much more to this.” AM fucked up by not shutting down when they had the chance. Because of their greed, this mass karma hit is just starting to snowball. And if hackers can get this group, they can get elsewhere. Watch what you say. Watch what you do. If you love someone, DON’T treat them like shit!! Mistakes happen, but for fuck’s sake get out of a bad relationship before it kills you. Because whether you believe it or not, bad karma is a boomerang – while it may take a while to reach its target, it never misses.

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3 responses to “Life is Short. Get a Divorce.

  1. mrs fringe says:

    First of all, I’m happy to see a post from you! As to the rest– meh. I’m a firm believer in not accepting the classic bullshit line of “it just happened.” I’m not saying there can never be mistakes, acceptance, forgiveness, etc, but when someone cheats on a spouse, they allowed themselves to be in a position where it could happen. “just happened” is an accident on the highway, not the horizontal bop in a no-tell motel, or masturbatory sessions in front of the laptop camera, complete with chorus of ooh baby ooh baby.

    Yes, hacking is immoral and illegal. It is also a reality, and anyone who has ever spent any time online knows this. In the more extreme examples/possibilities you put forth, I still feel the responsibility lies solely with the abuser and the underlying depression/mental illness that might cause someone to commit suicide.

    • Thanks, darlin’. It’s good to remember I have a blog lol. As for the rest – there was a lot behind this post. Surprise. I’m a klutz. Everyone who knows me on a personal level knows I’m one of the klutziest people on the planet. I can walk down the street and walls appear out of nowhere. However, in my 44 years on this planet, I have never tripped over my feet and landed on a penis. So no, affairs do not “just happen”. And when my ex husband of over a decade tried a similar bullshit excuse I packed my shit up, called my sister, and went home. Not everyone has that type of fail safe.

      While living in seclusion, I worked on slow-ass dial up until 2009. I wrote a Digital Romance-esque article about cheating sites, and then other requests rolled in for various blogs and websites. While researching about Ashley Madison and their commitment to helping weak-ass douche bags cheat on their spouses, I literally threw up. This was before I knew that my own weak-ass douche bag was a longstanding member of other paid cheating sites. My client, however, didn’t want the normal emotional mud slinging write-up for the topic. He wanted info regarding the hidden side.. the heartbroken, neglected, vengeful, or desperate people who go that route to find a way to cope with life.. and how those decisions affect their lives. Those articles were among the most challenging projects I ever wrote because I understood the alternating fear, pain, and numbness of living with an emotionally dead and neglectful spouse.

      There is always an underlying reason for betrayal, and that reason always stems from the one who betrays. Mental illness is a major culprit and it’s not as rare as some would believe. Over 50% of adults on this planet have some form of mental illness whether that’s depression, anxiety, bi-polarism, schizophrenia, etc. Many of those people have no business trying to take care of someone else when they can barely take care of themselves. I have two long-term failed marriages under my belt. I KNOW I won’t get married again. And yet people stay in empty relationships out of what?.. Social pressure, expectations, guilt, fear, loneliness, financial need. Sites like AM prey on weakness. The weak flock to the programs thinking it’ll be a painless and discreet way to pump excitement or even some type of feeling back into their lives. Joining the site and considering the action is a mistake. That can be corrected. But when someone pays money for the option to peruse profiles, contact people with the *intention* of cheating, post and receive sensitive images.. they’re already 2/3 into an affair – at least when they do it behind their partner’s back. They’ve crossed that boundary mentally and emotionally. Paying to use the full “benefits” of the site is beyond flirting and the douche bag should be held accountable for it.

      However, many of those idiots on AM didn’t expect to get caught. Many paid extra for an option to have all of their payment and personal details deleted upon leaving the site. Yet, AM took the money and kept the details. Shocker. If someone’s depressed enough to take their own life, they’re going to do it. However, hurting yourself is very different than hurting your partner or your children. Of course, It’s NOT MY CIRCUS! And I try to remember that. But I tend to empathize with those hurt over this type of bullshit.

      • mrs fringe says:

        I understand, and I do have empathy for those who were hurt by their spouse’s choices. The ones who were cheating? Not so much. Yanno what they say, ya roll the dice and ya takes yer chances. 😉

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